The Unconsciousness

i have been acting bad lately. i’m like a storm that destroys your day. i speak words which hurt. words that speak of weakness. i act as if my words speak of truth. i step into people’s attempt to make their selves better. i make children cry. i detest responsibilities. i feel like i am a kite. never free. i tap on keyboards trying to let words come out and tell my story– how i am ruining people’s lives. and how i attempt to put the pieces together. i am envious. i am insecure. i need music to grasp the ideas that were never there. never there. i have been empty since i can remember. i love but i never loved truly. i only adored the thought of loving and being loved and adored.

i wanted to write how i make fun of other people’s weaknesses. how i laugh at their mistake. how i cover up mine. and make it appear that i was the one wronged by this world. hate is like the blood inside me. it makes me alive.

i’m trying to grip to the branches of words

to not squeal empty whines

my head is like that pill that a sick person never took

i was emptied

no circle of light to save me.

 

Original draft: APRIL 16, 2010 @ 5:00PM